It’s Christmas Day and at such special time like this, it deserves to be celebrated with a special blog post. Haha, okay, the truth is I’ve been too lazy to update any blog post. I don’t give enough time to write what I wanted to write, though yes I do had the intention to. This time I'm assigning myself to write a Christmas piece.

Anyway. I'm going to dedicate this to my family, since Christmas is (supposedly) family time. A reflection about family value (in my own perspective) in a festive day like this one we’re having now.

I'm currently home for Christmas, outside of Jakarta. Since weeks ago I’ve decided so, omitting any request to help some Christmas celebration in Jakarta. I didn’t have the want to stay around in Jakarta, to sing Christmas songs in the celebration with those people I know, then afterwards I’ll head home to my own rented room and spend the night time alone. That would be so miserable, although it did happen to me before, and it wasn’t that bad, actually. By celebrating Christmas here at home, at least I won’t be so alone, for there’s Mom and Dad around.

Now I'm on my bed, typing with my laptop on my lap, and I could hear the windchime chiming outside. Raindrops softly falling on the rooftop outside, and I'm trying to write something about family value.

With my sisters scattered far away, one in Philippine and one in Bondowoso, the family doesn’t feel so complete to me. I'm sorry Mom and Dad, not that I mean no appreciation of you, but there are things I’d really love to share with my sisters, and yes it’s easier to be chatted among sisters than with you.

I’ve done carolling today with about 20 choir members. We started pretty early in the morning, me and my parents left home at 8am, and it ended about 3pm something. There are total 7 houses we managed to visit. Those would be at Bondongan, Cikaret, Sempur, Lampiri, BSI, VD, and somewhere near Dewi Sartika. Almost every house served us with drinks and cakes, or even full meal menu – something like heavy lunch of nasi and it’s accompanies. And one of those house generously provide some alco drinks. There are two or three among us who got so excited, and drank a bit too hastily, to my worries. But in general, we did accomplish our mission. With a smile and full stomach.

From what I see, in most houses we visited, the family gathered and waited for our choir/group to come. They greeted us and listened to our songs together. I felt that we were like centre of attraction a lot, for we wore our red dress code and even complete with our Santa’s hat. However we usually outnumbered the family in those houses, so it’s more like we, a bunch of red clothed people, intrude their houses. In those houses I see, Christmas is the time to gather with your family. It’s quite an irony for us, for we (most members) leave our families to gather as a group to sing from house to house. And to note it again, my family doesn’t gather as a complete one at the moment.

Yes, I did wish for my family to gather as a whole, with my sisters both here and my brother in law and my cute niece. But that’s not happening because of time frame and distance reason. Even though I come home to gather with my mom and dad, I don’t really feel like back into the family. Not quite as I dare to hope, frankly. But it’s glad to find that some of my expectation is granted anyway.

This is the thought that came to my mind, after I chill out alone and ask myself of what do I really want regarding about family. First I need to define myself first what is family for me. And it came to my mind that family doesn’t have to refer to something connected by blood line. Family can also formed when I gather with people I'm comfortable with and I can be myself in front of them without any worries that I don’t impress them, or I don’t satisfy or give benefits to them when I'm around.

After all you can start to build a family with someone new for you, someone whose past unknowned to you, and whose character you will have to learn to cope with the whole your life through. You do that when chose someone to be your spouse and you got married. Then you get new family member when you have children. But even without the children, should mother nature decides against your plan, you would still be considered as a new family. These days, society will demands for some papers to be done, marriage papers before the religion and the law. But nothing could -or should- interfere with the way you feel inside. No one should dictate you of whom you consider as a part of your family or not.

Family means those you can count on. The people dear and close to your heart, be it far or near, be it blood related or not. During the carolling session I had this morning till afternoon, I was actually part of a family. Choir family. Umm yes, I’ve been pulling myself out a lot, for I was too busy with my virtual world, chitchat and conversation in twitterland, but they actually gave me a chance to feel like a part of family. Perhaps it’s my own behaviour that keeps me a bit apart from the whole family thing. Even mom was kinda worried I kept silence the whole time.

I wish this blog post can be a happy ending one, like one with full of smiles and warmth, realizing what a great family I got and how happy I was during the day. But I have to say I'm not really in a happy bubbly mood like that. I'm more in a meditative mood seeking values which are dear to me and trying to set my course. I'm glad that I'm home but I'm missing my sisters (yes there I say it again), and I'm running away to the virtuality to pour out my thoughts and feelings. Still, I'm smiling thinly here. I'm still grateful for this Christmas day and a chance to have some reflection. I pray the days to follow are still merry in this festive season to celebrate coming New Year. Happy Holiday you all :)